Conscious Sexuality: The importance of sexuality to the healing and self-actualization of women


By Jennifer Bugajsky

In today’s modern world, sex has become a taboo topic. For centuries, women have been taught that sex is bad, shameful or self-indulgent.  Societal influences claim that a woman who thinks about, let alone engages in sexual activity, is labeled as provocative, dirty or promiscuous.  Religion and culture teach about the fears and dangers of sex rather than on the healing, pleasure and self-actualization it brings.

Thanks to thousands of years of confusion, shame and oppression of the feminine essence, generations of women have lived with unfulfilled and empty lives. They have lived under myths regarding pleasure, sexuality and their body. Pleasure has been defined as instant gratification from an outside source as opposed to experiencing joy, this inner long-lasting peace.

With this stereotype, many women are either depriving themselves of feeling pleasure believing it’s wrong, shameful or selfish; while others are secretly sneaking around hiding the fact they enjoy feeling pleasure. Either way, it’s like this forbidden fruit. If I experience pleasure (or too much of it) I am “a bad girl” and if I deprive myself or sacrifice my own pleasures, I am “a good girl.”

Unfortunately, society has taught women to fear their sexuality, hate their bodies and sacrifice their own desires.  When a woman does not embrace her sexuality, she buries a piece of her and hides the fullest expression of who she is.

The challenge is here, we live in a patriarchal designed society, where the main focus has been on the masculine way of doing things with little to no focus on the feminine. Women have had to work hard to get the same equality, opportunities and rights as men and in doing so have lost a piece of their feminine nature along the way.  With the desire to be strong, independent and confident, many women have subconsciously put up blocks creating a false and inauthentic version of themselves without realizing it. This lack of authenticity weakens their effectiveness, self-esteem, energy and the ability to create more of what they desire.  Women are working themselves too hard striving to be successful, trying to keep it together and focusing on serving and pleasing others rather than surrendering into the truest expression of themselves.

In essence, women are hiding behind the truth of who they are. The secret to unlocking that truth begins with embracing their body and sexuality as a woman. They may be strong and confident in many other aspects of life, but when it comes to their body and sexuality, they don’t see it as important.  Women don’t realize the depth of love, intimacy, abundance and fulfillment that are available to them when they surrender to this deep part of themselves. It is like a buried treasure that lies deep within.

When a woman learns to give up control and surrenders to the divine feminine nature within her soul, she is filled with more love, talent and energy than she could have ever imagined.  She fuels herself to give back to the world.  It is no longer about control, responsibility or getting things done.  She feels into the essence of herself.  She embraces intuition, creativity, and sensuality.  She begins to feel with her body, instead of think with her mind.

When a woman connects with and begins to feel her body, she begins to trust her inner wisdom. Diving into her sexuality and sensuality, she is opening the door to feel.  If the body is numb, it can’t feel.  The body was made to heal, but women must feel in order to heal.  Sex allows women the opportunity to be naked in their bodies, to not hide behind who they are.  If a woman is insecure in her naked body, there is something deeper within thirsting to break free.  When a woman becomes more confident in her own body, she embraces and experiences the pleasures and sensations of touch.  She is cracked wide open to the truth buried within.  She experiences deeper expressions of love, which she takes out into the world.

A woman’s #1 need is connection.  Our bodies hunger and yearn for emotional, physical and spiritual connection.  We thrive when we feel it, yet so many women are too busy doing life that they are just going through the motions, not feeling the intimacy their soul desperately craves.  It is more important to take care of their family, house, business and community than to focus on their own pleasure. There is no time for sex, let alone pleasure and connection with their body.

However, embracing your sexuality as a woman is the key to experiencing more fulfillments in all aspects of life.  The ideas of sex, pleasure, and loving the body might seem scary and vulnerable. But as Brene Brown states, “Vulnerability is the center of shame, scarcity, fear anxiety and uncertainty, but it is also the birthplace of love, belonging and joy.”When a woman allows herself to become vulnerable and tap into her sexual power she is introduced to tools which enable her to embody a power that does not intimidate or diminish, but rather attracts and inspires others.  A power that emanates from within and does not require force to achieve one’s goals.  She becomes a radiant beacon of light. When a woman shares this vulnerable part of herself with another, they help heal each other, and together they bring more love into the world. It is this deep intimate connection that a woman’s soul craves.

When a woman embraces her sexuality, she learns to fall in love deeply and intimately with herself.  She not only discovers how to have outrageously awesome sex, she understands the exquisite depth of lovemaking; shameless self-love with herself and others. This love generated from the divine enables her to exude a radiance that is a light to the world.  She becomes a more powerful women, partner, mother, sister, colleague and friend. When a woman embraces her Divine Feminine nature as a woman, she no longer hides behind the patriarchal rules and beliefs that have been passed along through generations.  She realizes her truth.  She embraces all parts of herself and steps into the fully embodied woman she was created to be. She not only heals herself, but also future and past generations.

A woman who knows her sexual power becomes the fullest version of herself. She feels into the soft, graceful, gorgeous, elegant, royal beauty of her nature as well as the intense sensual, erotic, wild, saucy seductive part as well. She is a woman of love, compassion and strength. She is independent and yet asks for what she needs in an inviting way. She does not appear needy yet understands the balance of relationships. While she can do things on her own, she knows it is more fun to experience life with a partner.  She attracts a partner who treasures her in the same way. She is a woman who respects herself and emits that same light into the universe. She is alluring, captivating and magnetic and inspires others to become the fullest expressions of themselves to.

Jennifer Bugajsky is a sexuality and intimacy coach. She creates educational platforms on sex, love and relationships with an emphasis on the integration of sexuality and spirituality as a vital key to healing and personal fulfillment.

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