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By Loretta LaRoche
Recently, I stayed with a friend who had three children: ages two, five, and seven. At breakfast, she took out six different boxes of cereal and began the following litany, first addressing the two-year-old, “Do you want fruit doodles, oat squares, shredded wheat, captain crackles, Trix, or Cheerios? I can put a banana, apple, orange, kiwi, or pineapple on top. I can cut them in halves, thirds, quarters, or mash them. You can have it in a bowl, a soup tureen, a trough, or the dog’s dish. Would you like to eat in your room, at the kitchen table, under the chair, or outside in the bird bath?”
The entire speech took about fifteen minutes. During the presentation, the child squirmed, drifted off into a dazed stare, and left the room once or twice. Finally, she looked up at her mother and said, “I want a marshmallow.” Whereby the mother, confronted with a choice she hadn’t expected, began to explain how sorry she was for not having thought about buying marshmallows and how she was a bad mommy for neglecting to do this. Meanwhile, the other two kids were beating the hell out of each other.
As a child, when I was told it was time for breakfast, I would sit down at the table and eat whatever was placed in front of me. It was oatmeal, an egg that seemed to have a life of its own, or toast, fruit, and milk. My mother was the decision maker. If I started arguing with her, saying I couldn’t stand the egg or “Jessica (my friend down the street) gets peanut butter on toast for breakfast,” she’d go into her Sicilian warrior stance. She’d put her hand sideways into her mouth and bite down. This was not a pretty picture. Then she’d growl, “I’ll give you what Jessica eats for breakfast.” End of discussion. A Sicilian woman biting herself would make George Foreman drop to his knees and beg for mercy.
With all the choices we offer our children today, we’re squelching their little spirits. What child really want six selections of cereal for breakfast? She’d probably enjoy anything you gave her because she’s able to be in the moment — something most of us have long forgotten about in our attempt to get things over with.
In addition to being in the moment, children are also prolific at laughter. Stanford professor of psychiatry, Dr. William Fry, has found that a five-year-old child laughs more than four hundred times a day. But by the time people are adults, that total shrivels to fourteen times daily or less. This happens because as children grow, they are told to “get serious.” As a result, most adults suffer from terminal seriousness.
It’s sad that our silly and fun personality rarely appear, and that children who hear an adult tell them to stop behaving foolishly receive many a mixed message. Then, they watch that same person behave similarly, only after having a few drinks!
Now I’m not saying you should march around like a wound-up happy doll. This denies our ability to react to different situations with a variety of emotions. But if you don’t have to suffer, don’t practice! There’s plenty of suffering to go around, and we will all get our share.
Drop the Change
One of the most widely sold drugs in the U.S. is laxatives. Is this merely a result of our not eating enough fiber, or does a constipated mind have the same consequences? Many of us have become terminally serious, or more to the point, anal retentive. This is a condition that makes us look like we’re holding quarters between our cheeks. Some people even look like they’re holding dimes. The end result of this condition is that even if we wanted to let out a good laugh, we couldn’t, because we can’t squeeze and laugh at the same time. Children belly-laugh because they haven’t started squeezing yet. In every seminar that I conduct, I ask people to go through a belly laugh with me to remind them what it feels like to really let go. I take them through the facial expressions: I tell them to open their eyes wide, to lift their eyebrows, grab hold of their bellies (whichever section they like best), and on the count of three, to let fly a HA-HA-HA, which we do for thirty seconds.
When I announce that we’re going to do this, the moans and groans that escape most people’s lips would make listening outsiders think that these folks are about to be punished. Some people actually note the time before they start, to make sure they get it right — a sure sign of anal retention. Many people look around to see if anyone else is doing it, because, after all, there are reporters from major publications present who, lacking anything else of interest to report, are there to focus on them and the fact that they might be acting silly. (The word “silly”, by the way, comes from the ancient English word “selig” — which means “to be blessed”. Many a pompous court was lightened up by the court jester, who was the blessed fool.)
Several times I’ve had the opportunity to do this exercise with children. One incident in particular has stuck with me. My grandson, Tyler, who lives outside of Atlanta, asked me to visit his third-grade class and tell them what I do for a living. After I did, I asked them to try the belly laugh for thirty seconds. Immediately they started shouting. “We can do that for an hour!” Their unbridled laughter filled the room. They grabbed their stomachs without any coaching from me, and many of them literally doubled over or fell on the floor, completely capturing the moment. The more they laughed, the more they laughed.
However, it took only a minute or so before the teacher began to look worried…she started saying, “Now, boys and girls, we need to calm down and control ourselves.” Although I realize the need for control in the classroom (and beyond) is a necessary part of the civilized society, there is also the need to release and let go. Many adults say their faces hurt after they leave my workshops, or that their stomachs are killing them. Perhaps many of us are control freaks because we have been told so many times to control ourselves, that even the thought of a few minutes of enjoyment can literally cause us pain.
Why is laughter causing us physical pain? I’ve never seen a group of four-year-old children, who were giggling like mad, stop giggling so that they could report to an adult that their faces hurt and they just couldn’t take any more. Our faces hurt because the muscles that help us laugh are out of shape.
The Joy of Stress
One of the tenets of Buddhism states that pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. And in the theater, tragedy and comedy are always interconnected. So it makes sense that we should be able to turn a negative situation into a positive one if we are able to look at it differently, realizing that we can draw humor or gain valuable insights from something that initially appears to be annoying, sad, or even devastating
What’s so joyful about stress? What’s so joyful about being in the grocery store line behind a lady who has one hundred coupons so she can get twenty cents off a loaf of bread? About kids who miss the school bus every morning so you can drive them? About living with someone who won’t read their relationship dictionary? Each of us has the power to decide how to interpret stressful events: with humor, with wisdom, with compassion, and with the willingness to accept the situation for what it is.
Since stress is an essential part of life, we’re all going to worry to some extent — whether it’s about aging, making our mortgage payments, or downsizing. But you can determine how much you let stress take over and how much you control it.
Right now, I want to debunk some myths about stress.
Myth 1: Stress is the same for everybody. Stress is different for each of us. What is stressful for one person may or may not be stressful for another person. For instance, having people over for dinner is stressful for some of us, but for others, it’s relaxing and fun.
Myth 2: Stress is always bad for you. This is wrong also. Stress is to life as what tension is to the violin string — too little, and the music is dull and raspy, whereas too much tension, and the music is shrill or the string snaps. Stress can be the kiss of death or the spice of life. The issue is how to manage it.
Myth 3: Stress is everywhere, so you can’ t do anything about it. Not so. You can do something about it, including taking a humorous approach to lighten the burden and give you the perspective to make rational plans to deal with stress.
Myth 4: No symptoms, no stress. Don’t be fooled. An absence of symptoms doesn’t mean an absence of stress. In fact, camouflaging symptoms with medication may deprive people of the signals that they need to reduce their stress.
Myth 5: Only major symptoms of stress require attention. “Minor” symptoms, such as headaches, backaches, or heartburn, should not be ignored. They are early warnings that your life is getting out of hand.
Realize that stress and worry are a part of life, but don’t become such a worrier that it keeps you from enjoying yourself. A lack of humor in your life can lead to depression. Then you’re not laughing at all, and they take you away and put you in rehab. Then you get into group therapy, where you color and make baskets. When you can laugh again, they send you home.
The Body-Whine Connection
My belief in the power of humor and joyful living to relieve stress is based not only on these centuries-old notions, but on cutting-edge science. In recent years, researchers have shown that laughter positively affects the body in a number of ways:
• The body temperature rises, making you feel warmer.
• The pulse and blood pressure drop.
• Muscles contract, then relax as you laugh.
• Breathing becomes deeper.
• Serum oxygen levels are elevated, which benefits the cardiovascular system, heightens energy levels, and reduces tension.
Laughter also boosts your immune system. It activates T lymphocytes and natural killer cells, both of which help destroy invading microorganisms. In addition, laughter increases the production of immunity-boosting gamma interferon and speeds up the production of new immune cells. Laughter also reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which can weaken the immune system. It appears that when we laugh, we release endorphins, which are chemical cousins to the opiates heroin and morphine, natural painkillers.
And a robust laugh gives your diaphragm, thorax, abdomen, heart, lungs, and maybe even the liver, a good workout. Dr. Fry discovered that laughing for ten minutes is similar to rowing on a rowing machine one hundred times. Your muscles tighten and relax, and thereby grow stronger. Thanks to a pulmonary cardiac reflex, your pulse can be double from say, 60 to 120. Laughing is aerobic; laughing with gusto turns your body into a big vibrator and performs an internal massage. This could be safe sex at its best!
As with sex, this arousal leaves you more relaxed. Your skin is more sensitive; your muscles, having been exercised, have gone slack with rest. Tears of laughter have left your eyes glistening, and your cortisol level has been reduced, thereby strengthening your immune system. You may even laugh so hard that you wet your pants — a sure sign of letting go.
A good paradigm shift is if we can realize that the moment in which we’re living is the only moment that exists. We can shout from the rooftops, “I’m glad to be alive!” Maybe things in the universe would change if we all went in to work and said this. Being in the moment gives you the ability to handle life’s imperfections. Hey, this is the situation — it’s not such a big deal.
We need to adopt a philosophy of living a joyous life every day. This is the best buffer against stress of which I know. Most people compartmentalize enjoyment, reserving it for weekends, birthdays, or holidays. I believe that you should live life as if you have only a few minutes left. The hats, horns, confetti, and champagne that you save for New Year’s Eve should be at your side every day. Revel in the accomplishments you achieve and in the kindnesses you receive. Celebrate the moments, hours, and minutes of your existence…and as you do this, you’ll leave behind a life filled with, “Oh nos” and awake to one overflowing with “Ah has!”
This is an excerpt from You May Only Have a Few Minutes Left: Using the Power of Humor to Overcome Stress in Your Life and Work by Loretta LaRoche. Published by Hay House. Reprinted with permission.
