By Krissy Winchester –
Ever since I can remember I have had these dreams that have helped to guide me. When I was young, I awoke from one of these deep dreams saddened with the knowledge that I was going to die sometime in my early forties. I made a conscience choice in that very moment to live the life I truly desired and promised myself to always make the best of all I was given. Grateful for each and every day I was living life to its fullest, thankful for the message.
With a blink of an eye forty was upon me. I began to become unsettled knowing something was coming, but didn’t know what. That is when the diagnosis came in and the beginning of the end was upon me. Now I was thrown into a whirlwind of fighting for my life, I just couldn’t let go. I was fighting with all I had. It didn’t feel right all these years I was content in the knowing I would die young with no regrets, but now I found myself clinging to my life that I so desperately wanted to keep. The fight was exhausting, but I was strong and determined to survive. This carried on for months … procedures, surgery after surgery until my dream came to pass, and I was called home into God’s Arms.
I felt an all-encompassing feeling of warmth, serenity and unconditional love. I was so full of joy and contentment and happy to be home. All was right with my soul, I was right where I was supposed to be. The resistance was gone; I was in peace. But, God had another plan for me that I was not aware of, I was to go back, I still had work to do and it wasn’t my time yet. Reluctant to return because of the immense feelings of pure bliss I was experiencing I did so because of my loved ones that I did not want to leave behind and with an understanding that I had a purpose to fulfill. I knew I was going to die, but I didn’t know it wasn’t the end of my life, but the start of a whole new life with a divine purpose.
You would assume it would be smooth sailing from this point forward but there were more lessons yet to come. I survived the cancer, but endured physical trauma along the way. My rib cage was dislocated and that went undiagnosed for almost two years. Ultimately causing extensive internal damage. No one, and I mean no one, should have to experience the pain and suffering that I had to go through because of this unforeseen twist of fate. The nights were always the hardest for me in those dark moments when I laid my suffering body down; there was just the cold hard truth and me. Why is this happening to me? I was a fiercely strong independent woman who never had any boundaries or limitation and was thrust back into a new existence filled with limitations, extreme pain and faced with uncertainty. Why did I have to come back? What was the purpose of coming back fragile, suffering and physically dependent on others? These were the thoughts that haunted me during those dark nights. I learned not to give into the desperation, but to hold onto the fact that this was not to be my fate but just a part of my story. I never gave up hope that I would be healed and learned how powerful my thoughts are.
During these years of recovery I became very hypersensitive and my awareness was skyrocketing. My intuition was now navigating my every move. It was in that space of seeking and learning was when I began to see the light and knew the current state of my body was only temporary and just a snapshot in time. The path I was on was all part of my evolution and preparing me for who I was to become.
With the will to survive and a team of eastern and western doctors, I continue to progress in my efforts to sustain a quality of life focusing on all the amazing gifts I have been blessed with along the way. As I have come to understand, I was in the dark night of the soul phase, and I was either going to survive this and thrive or die. The choice was ultimately mine to make.
We are all victims of circumstance and can at times feel as if we are spinning out of control because of all the unfortunate events that can happen in our lives. But I’m here to tell you that it is not the events you are to focus on, but your sheer will to adapt, overcome and improve is key to all of life’s challenges. Never give up! Believe in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles and you will.
Krissy Winchester is a contributing writer for “Conscious Community Magazine.”