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By Alecia Rice –
Q. I’ve experienced conflict with another woman while working together to facilitate a church group. Her approach felt competitive and self-serving, as I worked to create a collaborative, transparent, and inclusive environment. After a couple of weeks of failing to work “together,” even after discussing my concerns with her, I decided to leave the group altogether. Others offered me feedback, saying things like “this situation is showing up for me to heal a past emotional wound.” My question is…can you provide perspective so that I can see this situation as personally beneficial, and not as a decision made from insecurities? Monica S.
A. Unfortunately, I can’t insure that your decision wasn’t made from insecurity. Only you can do that. As conscious people, our first “go-to” should be ourselves, so that we can be accountable for our own imperfections to see where we need to grow. You can make that assessment by checking in to feel the feelings in your body, as well as to be honest with yourself about any energy you’re feeling that comes from previous wounds, unbalanced ego, or repeating patterns. You can pull out those strands to work on them, but that doesn’t mean that all the responsibility lies in your court.
Boundary setting is an art and it takes courage. I consider it extreme self-care, and sometimes self-preservation. Setting boundaries is a way of drawing a line between what we want and don’t want to experience, which helps to keep stress down to a minimum. I highly encourage this practice.
Many difficult situations arise to help heal old wounds, but that doesn’t mean that we stay grounded in every situation that emerges to potentially take the hard path. Sometimes these circumstances assist us in realizing how much we’ve grown, while providing the opportunity to put our new growth tools into practice. This can be especially hard when this muscle is underused and we feel insecure. I find that it’s just as difficult for people to speak their truth, create a boundary, and walk away if they need to, as it is to just stay and suffer through it.
You know how much you attempted to nurture that transparent, inclusive environment in communicating with this woman. I applaud you for having the courage to set a boundary that meets your needs in a setting that felt unsafe. At the same time, I invite you to continue simmering with this experience to see if anything arises in the future that may be related to an old issue. If it does, you will still have the opportunity to work on it. Meanwhile, it’s always good to know yourself. You may have spared yourself some frustration in experiences that you’d rather not have.
Q. I’ve noticed a pattern of women friends taking events that I have created and duplicating them. It hurts my feelings. I’m all about personal growth for all, but I put a lot of thought into what I do to make it uniquely my own. It doesn’t seem fair for them to take my ideas and run with them. Do you have any advice as to how to deal with this? Nina K.
A. This is happening more as the feminine steps into her creativity and brings it out into the world. We often overlap in our callings, which can cause issues. There is much happening in the collective. Sometimes it’s hard to know whether someone has actually copied what we’ve done, or whether they were inspired through a different path. Only you know the similarities.
Although it can be touchy, I would suggest that you try to open a safe space to speak to these women to find out how they actually came up with their event. Sometimes we can assume wrongly, but chances are that they were inspired by you, and wanted to help others in the same way. In that case, the proper thing for them to do would be for them to tell you how much you inspired them, and that they’d like to take that energy forward to bring those wonderful things to others. This would open up space for you to share your feelings around that for clarity in how to move forward.
We don’t own what’s happening in the collective, and need to acknowledge that much of what we’re intuiting is arising from that same space. Although they may copy the bones of what you do, they will certainly bring a totally different spirit and heart to their event, because their energy will not be the same.
Alecia Rice integrates higher concepts with wisdom to bring forth balance, perspective, and clarity within interpersonal relationships. She is a personal advisor, speaker, ordained minister, and a gatherer of women. For advice on a personal issue, you’re invited to email questions to: [email protected]. Maybe you’ll find the answer posted in next month’s issue.
