Saturday , September 24 2022

We all set rules for ourselves

By Dean Fraser

Rules on what is acceptable in our own behaviour and that of others; and often these rules tend to be quite rigid. At one time in our life they may have been perfectly logical and worked for us then. We are creatures of habit unfortunately, and by being creatures of habit what worked for us when we were say twenty years old certainly won’t be exactly working for us in the same way when we are instead forty or fifty!

About two decades ago in my career I used to run through my daily tasks in the same order every single day without fail. And I really dislike routine! Yet here I was operating like a cog in a clockwork machine each and every day. I felt unhappy and lacked any real understanding about why my motivation levels were at rock-bottom.
I wrote a list detailing what about my life made me unhappy, and it quickly emerged that I was actually bored. Bored with every day seemingly running exactly like the one before and more than likely the next one would look just the same and so on.
I changed!

Mixing around my established routine, introducing new things into my schedule such as writing magazine columns, more media commitments on radio and TV, and taking the time for at least a thirty minute walk each day ensured I have never once felt bored with what I do since.

It is incredibly helpful to look around at anything in our thought patterns and habits which is limiting us. Making us feel unhappy. Any of our own self-made rules about what is acceptable or unacceptable.
Really deeply ponder this, dig-down forensically to exam all those rules you make for yourself and especially any of them which no longer seem to be serving you. Write them down as I did.
Once you have done this then it is time to let some rules go. You will feel so much better…you will have to trust me on this one. Do it for yourself and see…go on, do it now!


If there is some aspect of your personality or reactions in certain situations that is troubling, you have every reason to be feeling deeply happy. That you are even aware enough to actually be concerned and also if something feels so wrong then it can also surely be changed.

A polarity exists within all of us. Call it yin yang, positive and negative or light and dark. Whatever label we place upon it, part of living in a human body is to know this polarity. Bring to mind people you know; it is certainly easy to see examples of both extremes of this polarity in action.

We need to come to the point of acceptance. Our own faults always show us something about ourselves that needs attention and this can be worked on. We need to embrace them and come to appreciate them. As we talked about earlier, becoming the perfect person is impossible. We will just end up frustrated.

Far better to send your own loving energy into your own perceived faults and take ownership of them rather than fighting windmills. Instead alter the emotions which surround them through the acceptance that you don’t need to be perfect. Transformational change can then begin.
Questioning is the beginning of wisdom. And questioning your own nature shows a desire to know yourself better, here lays the deepest wisdom.

I cannot overstate that forgiving ourselves and others is actually the single greatest favour we can do for ourselves. Forgiveness and feeling love completely frees us from having to go through the same traumatic emotional responses continually. The next occasion a similar triggering situation occurs we are free. This time the event will be looked at in a completely different way. With gratitude for the self-healing that has now taken place. Closure having been made.

Forgiveness is about ourselves and how we feel; the emotional healing that comes from bringing love into a previously unresolved event in our own past is all. There is absolutely no need at all for any other person or persons involved in the event to know that you have gone through the process of forgiving through love.

Strangely enough though as the vibration surrounding the event has now changed and the emotions are now calm, it quite often happens that the person or persons involved, if they are able to will also respond to you in a different way than before. On a cellular level you will feel different to them, that combined with the changed energy you are sending out, can make them react quite dramatically differently to you.

And even if they don’t, at least you now know that it is only because their own feelings are not yet resolved and they are still a way off from escaping their own quantum see-saw of cause and effect.
Forgiveness is the best favour we can do for ourselves.

Dean Fraser is known as The Quantum Poet, also an artist, public speaker on the healing power of crystals and prolific writer on dowsing.

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