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By Karen Corinne Herceg
Many of us will recall the old saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, it’s blatantly wrong. As a survivor of sexual, physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, I can attest that the deepest cuts are the ones that sear the mind and emotions, words that do not align with actions, and the betrayal of promises. This is not to discount any repercussions from physical and sexual abuse. But it’s the emotional impact of words from others—especially those closest to us—that tear at the soul and spirit. They form feelings deep within us that impact every aspect of our lives and relationships. It can take decades of active healing work to recover a sense of authentic self and genuine validation from truth and to shed the skewed perspectives or opinions of others. Opinions are basically lies not based in objective truth. They’re tainted by the agendas we have infused with information instilled in us since birth from a myriad of sources—all with their own agendas of course. Then we become part of the problem that requires recovery. This is a process of remembering our true worth in the eyes of the Universe/Creator–however you wish to define it–that has been aberrated by others’ struggles, wounds, and journeys that have impacted our own. It is a journey back home to an energy that loves unconditionally. We recover our worth and value by releasing our self-prescribed notions that are mere mirror reflections and not transparent gateways to universal truths. In essence, it is the road back to Truth–that innate knowing we can all access but most often ignore because of what we’ve suffered in the world that obscures what our intuition always lets us know is the right path.
We live in a world where the illusion of separateness reigns. We’re meant to break through that illusion despite the many physical manifestations it represents to us. Do we take at face value what we see in front of us? Do we use genuine critical thinking about everything we see and hear? Or do we just spew out learned and rehearsed rhetoric we’ve absorbed as our own. Are we sensitive to how we communicate to others? Or do we interact from a myopic viewpoint we treat as sacrosanct? Do we cultivate awareness and allow an objective perspective to evaluate our belief systems and habitual responses? For this we need to leave our comfort zones of needing to be right.
Everyone has a responsibility to use words with care and compassion. This certainly applies to writers who often put words out to a larger audience—and one whose members are unseen and unknown. Emotions through words expressed in a healthy way are acceptable; rage and revenge are not. It also does not mean we compromise ourselves to fit others’ expectations out of fear or anger. Rather we can be aware and kind in expressing that Truth, not confrontational or opinionated. Truth is not opinion that is overshadowed by preconceived notions and attitudes programmed into us from birth and many other lifetimes. We can act from a place of Truth without arrogance and righteousness. How others respond is their responsibility, but first we are accountable to ourselves. No one has a monopoly on Truth, but we do have access to it. We can fool ourselves in wanting to be right, but we can always feel genuine Truth whether we want to acknowledge it or not instead of allowing our feelings to override it. Feelings are real to us but are subjective and most often not reality based. Truth does not waver. Our perceptions waver and deserve a continuous deep dive, not rote acceptance. This is the meaning of critical thinking—not to reinforce what we want to believe but to question what we do believe. Is what we see in others a true manifestation of their spirit? Do we gauge their worth by our misguided perceptions, societal norms, fears, and a desire to be right or better than someone else? How do we address the “others?” Is there inherent respect? Humility? An open heart?
I am not advocating overlooking transgressions. We need healthy boundaries as we interact with souls who are in various stages of evolution and intention. But if we listen to our intuition, it will guide us. We overlook warnings and signals when we hold on to beliefs and agendas. And sometimes we just need to leave certain people, not with anger and retribution, but as a necessary step in our own journey.
Karen Corinne Herceg graduated Columbia University with a B.A. in Literature & Writing. Her second book, Out From Calaboose: New Poems, was released in November 2017. She publishes poetry, prose, essays, interviews, and reviews internationally and is currently working on a memoir. She has interviewed actor Alan Alda for the cover of Writer’s Digest and novelist Gail Godwin for The Southern Literary Review. Her review of Richard Martin’s latest poetry book Leakage & Smokewill appear soon in American Book Review.
