by Alecia Rice –
Q: My partner often disappoints me and I feel disheartened. He’s a good man but maybe not for me. I’m not sure what to think. — Disheartened
A: Dear Disheartened,
Happiness is created within. Yet, that philosophy doesn’t necessarily change things quickly. Sometimes we need to find perspectives that help free us up from the inner and outer ties that bind until we can work our way through the process to ground ourselves in contentment.
We’re capable of having two opposing thoughts and feelings at the same time so your partner can be a good man yet still be disappointing to you. Holding expectations often leaves us feeling disillusioned because we can’t control what others do. Disappointments can ease up though, if we know what we desire, yet try to remain unattached to the outcome, which allows for the free will of others.This isn’t easy but with consistent practice, expectations can be diminished while learning to flow with ease in whatever shows up.
Please take a closer look at your expectations for your partner. Ask yourself if you’re asking too much from someone who isn’t really capable to meet you where you need to be met in a relationship. If they don’t, that may be something to simmer with. Some people have the capacity, yet choose to do something different, while others don’t necessarily have the capacity. If the latter is true, it may be a difficult realization. With clear forethought and planning, it may align them with a future in which they are content.
I would also encourage an openly honest conversation with your partner to see what you can shift around as a couple to bring about more fulfillment for both of you in the relationship. I’ve found this to be a tremendous help towards clearing the air, feeling lighter and more connected. Often just putting a voice to our thoughts can bring release and a lift that’s surprising. You might find some helpful conversation tips in May’s Ask Alecia column where I respond to Mother-in-flux – https://consciouscommunitymagazine.com/ask-alecia-may-2018/.
Q: My spouse and I have been taking business junkets and socializing with the same group of colleagues for 11 years. I’ve recently adopted a fairly restricted nutrition plan. I’m afraid that people will judge me because my meals will be specially ordered and different from theirs. Any tips? — No Junk Junket
A: Dear No Junk Junket,
Many people find themselves in similar social situations after drastically changing dietary habits either for health – or healthier – reasons, especially once they understand the concept of “food as farmacy.” This is where I encourage people to “Know thyself,” create boundaries and be clear in communications.
When one eats what seems obviously out of “the norm,” it can draw in people’s attention. In turn, this can bring up questions and comments that may feel challenging and invasively judgmental. This is especially true if one’s feeling wobbly with new change and willpower. Such scenarios can also reflect unresolved imbalances and guilt around diet/health. This holds the capacity for triggering unconscious projections – always good to know for balance.
This is when I encourage one to consciously decide what they want their experience to be ahead of time by creating a few pre-thought-out responses to feel confident while addressing concerns with ease. If questioned, one can merely state that the doctor encouraged this nutritional experiment to gauge its effectiveness. If one wishes, that can then be followed with a question about the other person to change the topic.
Should the topic emerge again, it can be followed up with firm, clearly spoken boundaries meant to disengage from the discussion about one’s food along with opinions about what’s best for one’s body. One can offer a response along the lines of “This is a difficult experiment for me. I’d prefer not to discuss it as much as catch up with you since we haven’t seen each other for awhile.”
Many people still have difficulty understanding that what’s good for one may not work for another. In life, we all get to experiment and make our own choices for what works for us.
Our bodies are as unique as fingerprints and virtually any dietary opinion can be countered by a differing stance. When others can’t seem to let it go, be conscious as to what’s to be left at their feet because it’s their issue and move on.
The concept of knowing thyself is alchemical gold that far surpasses this single issue.
Alecia Rice integrates higher concepts with wisdom to bring forth balance, perspective and clarity. She’s a personal advisor, speaker and gatherer of women. For perspective on life issues, you’re invited to text questions and comments to 681-321-1109. Discussions continue at Ask Alecia on Facebook.